Poison Girl
by Menschlichkeit
Summary: sequel to black magic. read that one first if haven't already. and please try to be patient with this one. [on hiatus]
1. Prelude

Disclaimer: nothing is mine, save the storyline that i haven't fully figured out

**PRELUDE**

Integra slid her spectacles down her nose and laid them on the ever-growing mountain of papers. She rubbed a tired hand firmly on her forehead, trying to iron out the premature creases and wrinkles. A tight frown had inhabited her face and it took an effort to relax the muscles at the corners of her mouth. She would have liked nothing more than to have dozed off after a cup of strong Indian tea. As Integra scanned her desk, found her last cigar. She stared at it intently, attempting to ward off the luring of it. _'Oh screw it. I'm going to smoke it.' _

Slowly exhaling the calming fumes of the cigar, Integra noticed a speck of bold red against the more subdued browns and greens of the grounds. Very much against her will, Integra pulled herself from her chair. Pressing her face against the cool glass of the balcony door, she breathed deeply and stepped out into the wintry night. Just as she had expected, Alucard was stretched out on the dew-covered grass, lids closed, arms folded under his head, and legs crossed at the ankles. His wide brimmed hat and orange tinted glasses lay atop his neatly folded coat. He looked almost peaceful.

How deceiving looks can be... Integra knew that under that nonchalant facade were a hundred raging thoughts of the last autumn. Usually, Alucard would vent out his frustrated emotions through violence. Now, he was just... lying under the stars. Perhaps Seras had tamed the monster in Alucard...

It had been quite a while since his beloved's demise. But still, he had a somber and depressed air about him. He was still unable to talk audibly and the blaze that was normally in his crimson orbs had dimmed dramatically. His comrades had unsuccessfully tried to revert him to his former self. No one dared to anger him; they were almost positive he would retaliate, for they knew that under that dismal being, there was still much steel. Still, Alucard was not dealing with the loss as strongly as he thought he would.

Alucard felt his master's eyes on him, and he assumed a vertical position to send her a look that could kill. Integra's brows knitted together as she glimpsed a hint of scorn behind Alucard's eyes. _'Hell hath no fury against Alucard's wrath...'_ She couldn't tear her gaze from Alucard's suddenly aged face; he had never scowled for so long. She almost missed that maniacal, insane smirk. just as Integra finished the thought, the corner of Alucard's lips twitched and tilted upwards. Integra didn't notice the imperceptible change on his face.

Integra's nose was suddenly chilled. She looked up to see white flakes falling swiftly from the nothingness, the first snow of the season. Strangely enough, Alucard didn't flee from the numbing ashes. _'What? Alucard hates snow.' _Apparently, it didn't make a difference to him anymore. For lack of a better explanation, he was merged with the cold of winter now. Integra forced herself to stay, the white fluff accumulating around her ankles. Only when the iciness set into her bones did she whisper, "Come inside, Alucard."

Whether or not he obeyed was entirely up to Alucard. As for Integra, she wasn't going to freeze herself numb. Latching the door, Integra turned to take a seat next to the fireplace. Instead of her empty office, she found it was occupied by Alucard. He glowered at the incandescent embers and spitting sparks, the crackling flames dancing across the dead wood. He had propped himself up by leaning on Integra's armchair. Dismissing the slight intrusion, she shrugged off her discomfort and flopped down, sitting in much the same manner as he had outside. As soon as she did, Alucard let his head rest on Integra's shoulder. She flinched at the contact, protesting, "Alucard, remember when I yelled at you about taking up my personal space? I don't think you want me to do it again." He made no motion to move away, causing Integra to heave a sigh. The moment of silence between them stretched on awkwardly until the Ice Queen parted her lips and said the only thing she could think of.

"You loved her."

Alucard fidgeted a bit with his sleeve before clearing his throat and confirming her statement. "More than you will ever know."

Integra did not expect him to acknowledge the feeble attempt at conversation with more than a simple nod. They reached a stand still again. She had given him her condolences, but it wasn't enough to make the pain subside. Integra was not emotional, but even she knew that she wasn't being nearly sensitive enough to him. _'Hell must have frozen over. Here I am, feeling guilty about not being empathetic to my servant.' _Even so, Alucard would have remained tight lipped; he was not going to open up to his imprisoner.

"You should get some sleep, Master."

"I will not have you tell me-" She never finished her sentence because Alucard had shut her mind down and she was soundly asleep. Alucard lay her down in bed, pulling up the covers.

To himself, Alucard thought, _'I'd share with you, could I only speak, how much this hurts me. You don't care that it haunts me.'_

* * *

ok, prelude finished, just give me a while to work on the next chapter. this is like the epilogue of the epilogue of the other story. just wait a bit. oh yeah, i credit alucard's thought to this time imperfect by afi. don't blame me, i was listening to it while i was writing and it fit perfectly... 


	2. Confessions of a Dying Ember

Disclaimer: you know the drill... i own nothing and blah blah blah...

_the italics are actuallyfrom my own journal, adjusted to fit the story, except the last two. i was flipping through my notebook to see if anything could help me write this and i thought this was perfect to convey the mood of this chapter._

**CONFESSIONS OF A DYING EMBER**

_'I fell forever through a gaping hole of the purest sorrow. There was no one with me except the bitter companionship of Lonliness. The infernal grotto was ravenous, eager to extinguish any spark left in my being and consume me. No one heard my frantic cry for salvation. I was paying the price for the deadliest sin of all. I had committed the sin of Love and I was being punished. I had held my arms out to the world, giving it a chance. My embrace was partly in vain. With my arms out, my heart was vulnerable, a clear target for ice to imbrue. It was devoured, and a stone block took the place of my heart. It was burdensome; invisible ropes had wrapped around me, suffocating me. I reminisced about the moment when I foolishly attempted to trust this cruel world. But I was not rueful. _

_The winter raged on as the proverbial rain cloud over my head emitted snow. The icy flakes drifted down like igniting embers, and the pulsating memory of a fire of many hues struck my mind. In my trance-like state, I flared once, almost giving life to a fully-fledged flame. It was drowned out at once. As always, misery was a part of me. I was dying a slow, cold death. I continued to drown in the preternatural disc of space, and I knew I would never, not in this life nor the next, fell warmth wash over me again.'_

It was a bit early for Alucard to be awake, but he was restless. He was able to catch the final glimpses of the sun's rays reflecting off of each granule of snow. Winter was well underway in London, though it was just barely the middle of December. Alucard had taken to wandering around the pallid streets hunched over. It was on these walks that Alucard found himself looking for Seras. Not in the places she used to be, but instead, he would look for her somehwere over the snowy horizon, expecting her to come over it at any moment. Or he would stare intentlyat the children throwing snowballs at each other, thinking one of them was going to pelt him the way Seras had. Then he would come to his senses again and raise his gaze heavenward. He would briskly walk back in the direction he had come from. As soon as he was out of the city, he just let himself fall back into the ground, until he could bring himself to get up again. By then, he woud retreat back to the Hellsing manor to see if Integra had a mission, any mission, for him.

Yet, she never did. She had ceased to have any contact with him. They were growing evermore distant. Alucard had, more than once, begun to open his mouth, but found that no sound would come out. He wanted to speak of Seras, to confront the fact that she was gone. But he was still searching for her...

So he would sit in Integra's office , staring fixedly at a particular spot in the outer grounds, knowing what was buried beneath. When the tension felt tangible, he simply sank throught eh ground into the basement. He stood in front of Seras's door; somehow it didn't feel right to just walk through his own wall into her room. His gloved hand turned the knob, a soft click freeing the door from its frame, only wide enough for him to slip through. It was dark, but he saw the luminous green of Seras's journal standing out in the gloom. He recalled the timehe had read that single entry that had been written to relive those fearsome dreams.

Alucard parted the pages, treating the notebook as if it were some ancient artifact. Turning to a random page, he read-

_'I am walking on my toes, down a hallway that stretches far enough so that I cannot see the end. The doors on both sides of me are closed and I must look behind them. Each door is a different path: some of dangers, some of peace, states of insecurity. Others hide mosters called anger, at times envy, a parsie named hate, and a few times, the obsessive feeling of love. Some doors open into misty graveyeards , while others reveal a paradise on earth. Each door is a mystery that remains unsolved until one curious being peeks in. As one world fights to control me, I flee and slam the door firmly shut, moving on, taking care to avoid those that are foreboding. Even so, I still end up getting tossed in a few storms, but I find a way out into the corridor again. The hallway itself is mysterious. The farther I press on, he more serious the passion and pain. So I follow the trail of doors, entering and exiting. I feel that I am walking for decades, and just when I feel about to faint, I am standing in front of the final door._

_It is rather odd. Unlike he other doors, it is facing me. It is decorated in all the experiences I've been through. I've stood motionless long enough. I open it and stept inside. Suddenly, the doors sweeps shut behind me on its own accord. In a fit of panic, I tremble as I fumble with the knob. It is wedged shut. the ground falls from beneath me, and I realize Death is a one way trip. This hallway had been life.'_

He paused at the end of it, marked off by a single darkened line. He had thought Seras had changed into someone more profound; she had been the same all along. It was Alucard that had opened his eyes and saw more in her. He continued to pore over the journal-

_'My lids are shut, and the sun lovingly strokes my skin as I lay in the comfort of the soft, white sand. The windplays through my hair, touseling it. The ocean vibrates with energy, the waves rising and sinking to its own rhythmic beat. A light spray flecks across my warmed cheeks, and I waketosee what it is. The spray transforms into fat, unwanted droplets.Now I see that I never left the grayed skies and crying heavens after all. My misery has no remedy as of yet. The prefection and flawlessness had just been a figment of my imagination.'_

Alucard had to stop once again. He had always known Seras had been upset; he just didn't think that it was that high up the sorrow scale. He kept reading, knowing that in a while he was going to start from the beginning. These random entries had piqued his interest.

_'Over the months, the dark has become appealing to me. My thoughts float in the nothingness, whirling in the nothingness. They belong there and no one can see them. They are undisturbed, for the most part anyway. They erase, but they're still there. Because they are mine, they are visible to me. It's perfect that way. Secrecy is meant to be hidden. The sanctuary of my mind is more than enough; the darkness has already wrapped itself around it.'_

Once more, Alucard closed the notebook. He sat in a comfortable position, preparing for a long read. Flipping the cover open again, he began-

_'I cannot remember anything. I've been told the amnesia is temporary, but I'm not sure I **want **to remember. I can recall being hurt, but that's it for feeling. And I saw a tall figure in red. i think I passed out after that..._

He was nearing the end and he knewSeras had kept something from him, thinking it was irrelevent.

_'I must say, tonight's mission has been the most unique of all, to say the least. I met a woman who told me to call her Sade. I thought it was Sir Integra at first from her hair, but she turned around and I saw her face. Her porcelain features showed no signs of malice, but there was something behind her jade eyes that made me cringe inside. She simply told me, 'You have the Light,' and took my hands. She coaxed me to relax and I felt woozy, hardly noticing that she had cut the tips of my fingers and her own.Once our fingers were alligned and our blood exchanged, my skin healed on its own. I looked up at her for an explanation, but she was gone. For the past few hours, I've been feeling strange..._

Alucard didn't leave his spot or put down the journal, even long after he had finished reading.

* * *

excuse any mistakes because i really did not feel like proofreading. anyway, plz review and maybe you'll stick around to see where this goes, though i'm not sure myself... 

and this story is out of season, but bear with me. i am in a very wintry mood. maybe it's cuz i'm a winter born... but winter had nothing to do with the plot, at least i don't think...

and oh yeah, sade means "ray of light" in finnish


End file.
